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 Morder! Vampiro! ~ Bite! Vampire!

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PostSubject: Morder! Vampiro! ~ Bite! Vampire!   Wed 07 Oct 2009, 5:38 pm

Resurrecion Name: "Vampiro"

Release Phrase: "Morder!" (Vladimire must have blood on his Rapier and then lick it and say "Morder" to release)

Sealed Zanpakutō Description: In Sealed State Vampiro takes the form of a silver Rapier with intricate silver wires around the tsuba. The Blade is long and very sharp. On the begining of the blade their is a image of a Gargoyle-like creature with its mouth open and its tongue out. It has a long black sheathe and is often used like a cain.



Released Resurrecion Description:

In Release State Vladimire appears like this except he has another pair of apendages on his back that spread out to form wings. The apendages on his arms are razor sharp and can become wings as well. He also gains a long tongue, he also has two other apendages that wrap around his collar and act like a black wing cape. With in his cape are a large horde of blood thirtsy vampire hollow bats that act like a shield as they sacrifice themselves to protect Vladimire and to complete his wishes. Vladimire also has three tails instead of one.

Represent: Vampire Bat

Family: Lightning

Ultimate Ability/Attack: Relampaguear Arremetida~ Lightning Dash (Released) This is Vladimire strongest ability and attack, by charging his very atoms and every particle in his body with his dark lightning like Reatsu, Vladimire, may transform his entire form into a being of pure energy, pure electricity, thus losing his Humanoid/ Release form. In this form Vladimire becomes too fast for the naked eye and can not be captured by physical means or by Kidou like 6 Binding Rods of Light, he also becomes extremely difficult to hit as in this form he can spread his atoms in opposite directions or stretch out of the way with uncanny speed, he may also travel great distance in mere moments. But while in this form he can not use any of his attacks, he can not strike his opponent or cut them, but he is capable of shocking them by slamming his energy body against them. Magnetic Feilds makes this technique to difficult to use and practical useless and it allows him to be captured by outside metals if he hits it (Zanpaktou Metal of the Blade do not count). He can only stay in this form for 4 post and must wait another 6 post before he can use it again.

Techniques:

Aguacero ~ Cloud Burst (released state) Vladimire will open his mouth and release a large (about 20 feet wide and 10 feet tall) black gas-like cloud at his opponent(s). If the opponent(s) get trapped with in the cloud they will be struck with powerful bursts of lightning, this technique replicates what happens during a Thunderstorm with in clouds. It has a usage limit of 5 and a cooldown of 5.

Horda de Murcièlago's de Relámpago ~ Horde of Lightning Bats (released or unreleased) Vladimire opens his leathery cape and releases his bat horde, he charges his bats with dark purple electrical currents and sends him at his target ,using his thoughts, he can determine different flight plans and attack strategies, when the bats are attacking this usually leaves Vladimire exposed to attacks. The bats that are charged with lightning have a purple aura around them. The bats can bites and slam into targets transferring the electrical current to them, sending a crippiling current to them. Repeated strikes will weaken the opponent. Once a bat is slashed away it dies.

The bats also act like a spies as Vladimire can see anything they saw by telepathically talking to his bats.

Vladimire can create more bats from the gel like pouches on his torso but can only grow them at a certain rate and can only create a certain number at one time, it takes 4 post to create 8 bats at one time. This attack has no cooldown and only has a charge time when Vladimire wants to create more bats. Vladimire starts with a total of 50 bats.

Corriente ~ Current (released or unreleased) Vladimire charges electricity into his hands and he becomes capable of shooting dark purple bolts of lightning from his fingers. The power of this attack is strong enough to bring even the most resiliant person to there knees, dispite being a simple technique. When the lightning is released it becomes very fast and repeated or long time exposure will result in death. It has a charge time of one post and it can last for a total of one post and then the user must wait another three post before he can use it. He can use this technique up to 3 times.


Last edited by Vladimire Behimes on Tue 27 Oct 2009, 9:47 pm; edited 10 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: Morder! Vampiro! ~ Bite! Vampire!   Fri 09 Oct 2009, 4:02 am

Your released description contains a few abilities, please remove them.

The ultimate ability needs to tell how much he can heal and what the drawbacks are.

For the first technique, tell how large the gas is and also, clean up the technique a little, it has many wording errors. This technique also requires a usage limit.

I shall not look closely at the second technique until you remove the many mixtures of attacks that branch off to about 5 techniques.

The last technique needs a cool down and usage limit, it also needs to have a larger description. Tell how large it is and other things.
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PostSubject: Re: Morder! Vampiro! ~ Bite! Vampire!   Fri 09 Oct 2009, 5:09 pm

Last technique was imcomplete and I was in a hurry with the first one. Computer time has been limited.
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PostSubject: Re: Morder! Vampiro! ~ Bite! Vampire!   Sat 10 Oct 2009, 5:23 pm

Done!
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PostSubject: Re: Morder! Vampiro! ~ Bite! Vampire!   Tue 13 Oct 2009, 5:13 pm

Bump...
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PostSubject: Re: Morder! Vampiro! ~ Bite! Vampire!   Tue 13 Oct 2009, 5:26 pm

500 meters... no... thats way way way to large, I would settle for 20 meters, at best
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Nebula Cana
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Number of posts : 330
Registration date : 2009-03-04

Character sheet
Name: Shishigami Jubei
Race: Arrancar.
Ranking: Decima/Cero Espada.

PostSubject: Re: Morder! Vampiro! ~ Bite! Vampire!   Tue 13 Oct 2009, 6:04 pm

In addition to what has been asked and told to fix, I have a couple of other things. What exactly does your ultimate ability have to do with the family lightning? Last time I checked, sucking out life and regenerating had nothing to do with lightning. I'm not comfortable with that, because your ability should be tied in with your family, which it is not. Also, there is one sentence in your sealed description that bugs me.

Quote :
Sealed Zanpakutō Description: In Sealed State Vampiro takes the form of a silver Rapier with intricate silver wires around the tsuba. The Blade is long and very sharp, it is capable of peircing even the strongest Hierro. On the begining of the blade their is a image of a Gargoyle-like creature with its mouth open and its tongue out. It has a long black sheathe and is often used like a cain.

Uh, no. That makes it seem like your sealed blade could cut through any Hierro, so either re-word it, or remove that completely.

Technique number three: A sound wave? Come on, that is completely different from lightning, and also not your tied to your family. I'm not even sure if we have sound as a usable family, but regardless, your family is lightning, not sound. Change it.

_________________
Pre-Release:
Cero User
Weak Hierro
Sonido User
Strongest Resureccion

Post Release:
Cero Master
Strongest Hierro
Sonido Master (Varies on your transformation)
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PostSubject: Re: Morder! Vampiro! ~ Bite! Vampire!   Wed 14 Oct 2009, 5:43 pm

Edited...
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PostSubject: Re: Morder! Vampiro! ~ Bite! Vampire!   Thu 22 Oct 2009, 12:27 pm

BUMP!...
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PostSubject: Re: Morder! Vampiro! ~ Bite! Vampire!   Thu 22 Oct 2009, 10:53 pm

I think the Ultimate ability needs a larger cool down, as that sounds (pardon the pun) quite shocking, and also like it would take a lot of force to uphold a new form. Especially keeping it up for 5 posts, so make it an 8 post cool down.

Tech 1: either bumb down usage limit a little, or bump up the cool down. Power determines how much you can do something before you need to take a break from using something. Just remember that.

Tech 2: I guess I want to just clarify, but it takes you 4 posts to create 8 new bats, yes? And their durability is something like...death in one slash, yes? They couldn't take a large pounding, or one much at all, seeing as their main function is spies or mini-lightning bolts (so it sounds).

Tech 3: Once again, consider power: if they're strong enough to bring even some of the stronger folks to their knees, then this is gonna require a usage limit and cool down. Also is it only one blast at a time, or is it a blast from ALL fingers at a time/throughout a post? Trying to gauge the power of this one versus how much you can technically use it in one go.
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PostSubject: Re: Morder! Vampiro! ~ Bite! Vampire!   Fri 23 Oct 2009, 3:21 pm

Edited.

Tech One: I made the cool down longer.

Tech Two: Yes on all questions, one slash its dead.

Tech Three: Its a blast from ALL Fingers throughout a post.
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PostSubject: Re: Morder! Vampiro! ~ Bite! Vampire!   Sun 25 Oct 2009, 5:09 am

First of all: swap the time limit/cool down for your ultimate ability =.= All you seemed to do was up the amount of time you stayed in this energy form.

Tech 1: eh, up the CD to one more post and this technique is good.

Tech 2: Okay then, I have no personal problems with this one.

Tech 3: knock down usage by two and this one will be good.
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PostSubject: Re: Morder! Vampiro! ~ Bite! Vampire!   Tue 27 Oct 2009, 5:28 pm

EDITED!
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PostSubject: Re: Morder! Vampiro! ~ Bite! Vampire!   Tue 27 Oct 2009, 9:14 pm

I think knock the Ultimate Ability/Attack CD up one more post, and knock down the form for one post, and then all should be good. (aka: lasts 4 posts, 6 post cool down)
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PostSubject: Re: Morder! Vampiro! ~ Bite! Vampire!   Tue 27 Oct 2009, 9:47 pm

*sigh* edited...
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PostSubject: Re: Morder! Vampiro! ~ Bite! Vampire!   Wed 28 Oct 2009, 12:58 am

Mkayz, I think everything's finally in order for this unless someone else has complains. So otherwise APPROVED!
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